Taking Offense

im-offended1Varun pulled the white lab coat closer around his neck. His palms were sweaty around the megaphone in his hand, he was so wrong for this job, but it needed to be done. He raised the megaphone, “Ladies and Gentlemen…” Varun said into the megaphone, his voice sounded loud but nervous.

No one seemed to pay him any attention, then again it was weekend at the mall, people continued to flow around him. Just as he was about to raise his megaphone again few people approached him, Varun smiled at them. “Excuse me…” one of them said, “ Did you just address all of us all ladies and gentlemen?” Varun was puzzled, “Um…yes I did…but can you please sign this motion to stop the asteroid  that is hurtling to our planet?”

The person gave him a quizzical look, “look here, I don’t identify as ladies or gents so that public address of yours just offended me…”

“What? No no no, I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry.”

“Oh yes, my person is offended too.” “Yes, very offended”. “How dare this person address us like that…” the other people surrounding Varun said.

A clear voice spoke in all of their ears, “Good morning. Public offense detected. Offense level 10. The Offender is Varun Naik. Thought freeze time 10 seconds.” Continue reading

The Public Rape of Salman Khan, and related rape humor

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Let me begin with another inappropriate quote from George Carlin “People say you can’t joke about rape.  That rape is not funny.  I say, fuck you….I think it’s hilarious. I can prove it. Picture Porky Pig raping Daisy duck. See? And I know what men are gonna say…Daisy was asking for it.  She was coming onto Porky.  She had tight feathers.  Porky got horny and lost control.  A lot of men talk like that.”

So Salman felt like a raped woman. He feels empathy. Ten points right there.

He got ripped in the boxing ring, his body ached in places he didn’t know could ever feel pain, sobbed like a two-year-old for his mommy as some nonamer Fight-Clubbed him.

He tries to imagine, as per the drug addled capacity of his room-temperate IQ brain….that this was perhaps how a raped woman felt. Continue reading