I scanned through the email, for the third time. If anything, upon the third read my stomach sank further into unimaginable pits of fear. Wow, I wished I could die, right about then. Get swallowed by the 13th floor of my building, and be pulled into the bottomless pits of hell.
Because, seriously, hell was way better than working for Dell.
I stood up, with my head reeling over the enormity of the escalation, just as “Priya – the bitch” aka “My manager” walked up to me and spat, “Anu, we need to have a talk, meet me in my cabin, NOW!”
As she spoke those words, I watched her whiny, high-pitched squeal, slowly yet surely turn into a hysterical laughter.
Wow, that was strangely unsettling, I thought. In utter rapture, I gazed at her mouth that enlarged into a nozzle, fur sprouted out of her increasingly shrinking body, which finally brought her to an all fours, and turned her into, what suspiciously looked like a hyena.
I always believed with conviction, that Priya was not human. She was like one of those aliens, with a human costume, like they showed in MIB.
But her true form, a hyena? Seriously?
Even she had better fashion sense than that.
While I stood there transfixed, watching the amazing transformation of my boss into her true self, I felt like Simba, who was surrounded by hyenas in the Lion King. Now where was Mufasa, when I needed him?
Priya aka Hyena, stared at me with her ravenous eyes, ready to devour, her most useless reportee.
Although, I wouldn’t blame her for that, because my folly just cost the company, a few million dollars.
Deserved or not, my survival instincts kicked in and I turned on my heels, with shaking feet deciding to run. Just then, I was accosted by Claire, my counter part, and Priya’s favourite acolyte aka reportee.
Claire, the cockroach, I used to call her. Well, lets just say I wasn’t wrong. Because in the green shirt, and navy skirt, it was either Claire or a giant Cockroach, that kept trying to trap me with its long, long antennas.
I dodged the giant cockroach and a hungry hyena, to somehow manage to reach the exit of my floor. If only, if only, I could get to the lift, and then to the exit. Thankfully, I did have the presence of mind, to carry my swipe card.
I swiped out of my floor, only to see scores of giant rats, in white, blue, grey and brown formal clothing, scuttling around my office. Some stared at me, some smiled, some walked across like I didn’t exist. I wondered if I was one of those rats, running in the opposite direction of the rat race.
The rat rebel!
Yeah, the sounded cool, I decided.
I then scurried to to the nearest lift while, Claire the cockroach and Priya the Hyena, struggled to swipe out.
Finally, I got into the lift and pressed G, hoping, praying there would be no more animals waiting to devour me. As I descended from the 13th floor, somewhere on the 6th floor, the Human Resources floor, where all the pretentious biggies sat.
The type who spoke polite, yet firm; called themselves assertive; and were always politically correct. As if some form of diplomatic bacteria had invaded their brain and was eating their originality inside out.
My lift stopped at the dreaded floor and let in a giant octopus, with big round glasses, and a well fitted suit with pocket squares.
I backed away to one corner as it entered and filled the lift with its long tentacles. It looked down upon my tiny frame and spoke, “Anuradha Reddy?”
“Yes”, I whimpered.
“You are fired!” Spoke the octopus from HR, as its one tentacle encircled me in a death grip and its big blob of a mouth came down on me and swallowed me whole.
I woke up with a jerk, I was not in the lift there was no octopus around me. I saw Claire and not a cockroach, standing at a distance and staring down at my screen, which had a face book chat window open with me flirting away with a male friend.
Phew, that was all a dream. Dammit! The hash I’d smoked up in the morning must have been some potent stuff.
I wiped my eyes, and sat up only to find “Priya, The Bitch” aka “My Manager” walk towards me and speak in an increasingly hysterical voice, ““Anu, we need to have a talk, meet me in my cabin, NOW!”